1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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