so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
