Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
