Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
