If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
