life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
