ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
