every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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