He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
