Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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