What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
