I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
