i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
