did you get engaged???
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
