dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
