Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
