I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
