Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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