she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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