So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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