don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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