Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
