i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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