Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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