Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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