We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
