Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He better not be in your backpack
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
