I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
