They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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