Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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