I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
