We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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