Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
