i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Of course I have a pirate flag
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
