if i can run in heels then i can drive
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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