The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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