Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
