So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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