I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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