I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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