I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
