i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
