What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
