There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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