remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
