At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
