So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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