he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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