I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
