i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
