he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
