Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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