I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
