Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
