I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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