Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
