nutella sex= disaster
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
