I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
