I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
