mondays should just be called national damage control day
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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