I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
