well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
