I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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