Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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