please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
