You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
third nipple confirmed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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