a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
