remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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