I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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