Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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