do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
