Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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